I started this blog as a place to write some words for our beautiful daughter, to post some images of inspiration and I suppose as a general celebration of how much our monkey has brightened our world since the moment we found out we were pregnant with her. A little while ago, I also mention that I’ve had a good reason for not posting much this last month. In my mind I had the post all planned out, I was going to share our amazing news that we were just over 12 weeks pregnant with our second monkey. I had some gorgeous pics saved of recording your pregnancy, announcing your pregnancy and cute new born pics, but sadly it’s not to be.
On Wednesday this week, we went for our 12 week scan and unfortunately, they immediately picked up a problem with the baby – our precious little baby was diagnosed with a condition called anencephaly. This is a fatal condition where basically the baby growing inside does not have any brain tissue and the skull hasn’t formed correctly. There is no chance for survival and for both Gav and I there really was no decision, but to terminate. The baby could feel no pain because he/she didn’t have that part of the brain. I know there are families out there that do carry these babies to term, but in our hearts we’ve made the right decision for both the baby and our family.
Making the right decision, still doesn’t make it any easier. It’s only been a few days and I know we’ll get this through, but for now, there is just an amazing sense of loss and sadness that comes from deep within my soul. I’m once again blown away by the love that we can feel for these little souls just a few months into a pregnancy. Our baby will always live in our hearts and will always be loved, God needed an extra angel this week and I know that my baby is up in Heaven, is comforted, loved and in a safe place.
My littlest littlest monkey, you will always live in our hearts. The reason you were taken from us so early will never be understood, but we trust and believe that God has a plan for us all. We know you are in a safe place, at peace and are as loved as you could ever be by your us, your family down here…
I will continue blogging, hopefully sooner rather than later. For now, my world just doesn’t seem the right place for birthday party ideas and other cute things that I like to think belong in the Colour Giggles space. I’m sure it won’t be long before the brightness and fun returns, but bear with me for now and I hope to see you all back here shortly when I do start posting again.